He loves me more than the sand on the beach.

He understands

Everyone always complains about how no one ever understands them or what they’re going through. This is how I see it. You have two options. Keep complaining and get nowhere. Or you can stop complaining and realize that your situations are unique to you so no one can fully understand. I am trying to choose the latter. No one will ever have the capacity to know or understand fully what I’ve gone through or what I’m going through. My life story is fingerprinted and the only one who would understand is the One who created those fingerprints. If I want to complain or confide in someone about the struggles I’m facing, I’m realizing who I should be going to. Jesus.

Wise Words from a Friend

"God is God and He can and will do whatever He wants. His will WILL be done. And I think part of what makes God so awesome is that He doesn't fill us in on the details. He just kind of moves the furniture around in our lives while we stand in the center of the living room. And maybe in the process you'll find some change in the couch cushions and you'll get rid of the ugly lamp in the corner... and then once God's stopped moving everything, you'll see what He's done. But in the process, you'll be like "Why are you moving all my furniture, God?" And that's okay. Just wait for Him to finish. I bet it will be worth it. God's the ultimate interior designer."

She knows I love metaphors, and this was a perfect one for me tonight. :)

How do you love them?

The people who get on your last nerve. The people who drive you the most crazy. The same people you still care enough about. The people you know God put in your life for a reason. Those people. How do you love them?

Keep on Praying.

Saturday Night Thoughts

Things could be worse, and sometimes I forget that. I also forget that if God didn't do one more thing for me, I still would have so much to praise Him for. My life is a testimony of His amazing grace, love, pursuit and refinement. I can think of so many times in my life where God came through for me. That's what keeps me going, especially in times like now. Things are going well. But like a normal school year, things can get pretty stressful quickly. I have classes to study for, friendships and relationships to maintain, finances to keep up with... and so much more...! You have no idea. Anyway, I've still never been happier in life. And one thing I loved is that I enjoy living life more and more each day, even with all those stresses of life. I think that's because I know things happen for a reason and I know God is teaching me something new everyday.... literally through EVERY situation I'm facing right now. Therefore, even though in the moment it's tough, I'll go on because I have faith in Him.

A leap of faith.

Maybe that's all it takes.

Something's right about this.

I know THAT much. The right thing at the wrong time. Or it's the wrong thing at the right time. I'm not really sure which one it is yet, but that's how I see it. I know this is not the wrong thing at the wrong time, so I guess that's a plus! But still, I'm finding myself in a really difficult position because either way the temporary result appears to be disappointment, because it's just not "the right thing at the right time." It's just hard when the one thing you want the most is held back by something that's bigger than you. In the end, though I think the answer is simple: wait a little longer and pray a little harder.

Nobodies

The Bible always talks about how God always uses the weakest, smallest, most horrible and least significant people. Today I feel like that person. I feel like my life isn't going where I thought it would. I feel like I'm at the bottom.... and it's a horrible feeling, but I know and trust that God is teaching me something through this. It's just hard going through it, sometimes. But anyway, I believe that He uses the "nobodies" to do great things, including someone like me. I have no idea what He has in store for my future, but if He has something to do with it, I know it'll be good. In those moments (like those throughout today) when I feel like I'm useless and unworthy of so many things, I have to remember the God that I serve excels at using the people like me. He specializes in those who appear "useless" to the world. Throughout the Bible, He used the people who were least expected.Paul was a murderer. Rahab was a prostitute. Noah was a drunk. Joseph was abused. Moses had a stuttering problem. Gideon was afraid. David had an affair and was a murderer. Elijah was suicidal. Jonah ran from God. The Disciples fell asleep while praying. The Samaritan woman was divorced. Just like them, I know God will use me today. He'll use me... another nobody to the world, but a significant somebody to the Creator of the Universe. I find comfort in that, tonight.

It is impossible to forgive someone if you feel superior to him or her.

Perceptions

You really can't form an opinion about someone until you get to know them. One thing that I've realized about myself is that I'm more judgmental of people than I really should be. Sometimes it's hard for me to put myself in their shoes, because all I know is myself. I sometimes overlook the fact that they have DIFFERENT issues than I do. I get so caught up in my mess, that I don't take the time to let others tell me their side of the story. But today, I was able to talk to a person I've clearly misjudged. I have a horrible perception of this person. Let's just say that I didn't think much of them. But today, I thought differently. It was nice and somewhat refreshing to be freed of that distorted perception. I still see this person as someone with issues. But in reality, that's how we all are. I have issues. You have issues. We all do. We all have problems that we're dealing with. We're all facing challenges that bring out our strengths... and also weaknesses. Just like I hope no one judges me, I will strive to judge less and love people more. That means you, too. My perception of is changing because God is changing my perception on several things. He's changing my heart. He's over and over showing me how to love and see people like He sees them.

Why did that have to happen?

Tonight I asked God and myself that question a hundred times. I wonder why we have to go through the things we go through. It's difficult to experience what I experienced today. I've never gone through anything like it before, and it breaks my heart thinking about it... :( Tonight I feel like God's Will was done but right now in this moment, His Will just feels not-so-great... It's that uncomfortable position after waking up that I touched on in my "Snooze Button" post earlier this week. Anyway, while following God's Will is the best thing to do, today I realized how hard it is to be obedient. Today's lesson was that: His will is difficult sometimes, but in the long run, it'll pay off... And as hard as it is to see the happy ending for myself and those involved today, I trust in Him that it'll come soon. I will continually trust in His guiding hand to show me His plan for my life.

Everything happens for a reason. And while today would prove otherwise, I still trust in that fact. For some divine reason, today happened. For some divine reason, this past month and a half happened. I have no idea why... but I know Someone who does. He'll make that clear soon to me... He'll answer my question, "Why did that have to happen?"

Someday. Soon.

We all have a story to tell.

Each one of our stories are unique, just like each of our fingerprints. And if the pen that's writing our stories is in the right hands, there's no doubt the ending will be beautiful...

You Don't Know Me

You don't know me...

You don't know my past
The reasons I act the way I do
The memories that make me cringe
The good times that bring laughter
You don't know my story

You don't know my pain
The reason for the tears I shed
The hurt that still binds me down
The heartache that breaks me
You don't know my sorrow

You don't know my insecurities
The doubts I have about myself
The approval I constantly seek
The reasons I think I'm so messed up
You don't know my fragility

You don't know me...

You don't know my joys
The things that make me smile
The motivations that keep me going
The reasons of why I sing
You don't know my delights

You don't know my dreams
The desires I have for my future
The things I'm passionate about
The person I aspire to be one day
You don't know my hopes

You don't know my future
The person I'll be tomorrow
The whereabouts I'll end up at
The legacy I'll leave on
You don't know my destiny

If only you knew me
You'd understand
Where I was coming from
And where I'm going

You may not know me
But there is one who does...

Only God knows
My past, my pain, my insecurities
My joys, my dreams and my future

God has searched me
And He knows me :)

"You have searched me, LORD,and you know me." (Psalm 139:1)

It creeps back....

those consequences that I faced 3 years ago came back tonight. At least I think it did... AND IT HURT REAL BAD. The words that were said hurt. The tears and memories that were revisited also hurt. I literally had nothing else to say, except "WHY, GOD?!" Why do these things keep happening? Why do I have to remember the hurt I faced years ago? Why do the people I hurt then still hurt? I just don't understand. I've changed so much within those years that it breaks my heart thinking about how similar things have gone back (in a sense) to how they were 3 years ago.

I guess it means God is not done yet. He's not done refining me... or those I've encountered. I have to keep faith and press forward. I can't go back to my old ways. God's brought me too far to do that.

The Snooze Button

Usually when my alarm goes off, I automatically just press the snooze button. All I want is a "few more minutes" but I end up sleeping for another hour or so. Meh. I just don't feel like getting up and ruining a perfectly good night's sleep. We all know that waking is hard to do in the mornings. It just doesn't feel comfortable sometimes. And then it usually takes ten or so minutes to feel fully awake after I actually get out of bed. Nonetheless, being awake and living out my day feels much better than completely wasting my life away by sleeping...

Okay, so how does this affect my life? How is this a constant reminder? Well, let me tell you. The snooze button... those are the moments I am disobedient to God. They're the times I know I need to be doing something, but I'm not because I'm too scared. They're the decisions and actions I put off until the last minute, and sometimes that's a little too late.... Again, it's those moments where you know God is telling you to do something, but you do the opposite, you just pretend to ignore it or you sleep right through it because it's completely out of your comfort zone? Yup... that's where I am right now. I'm in that exact position. And I hate it. It's that moment when all you want to do is press the snooze button. It's that moment when you're lying comfortably in your bed, not wanting to move, but deep down you know you have to get up so you won't be late for class... 

I look back on the last couple of days, and I can see how many times I've pressed that snooze button. And I know it's just gonna get worse and worse if I keep pressing it. I'm at the point where I just need to WAKE UP. I need to get out of my comfortable bed (and my little comfort zone) and be okay with feeling uncomfortable for a little bit. Because in the long run, I'll feel refreshed later on... And I won't have to go on living life, regretting the days I've wasted sleeping or the good moments I let myself pass by. 

When my life is over and done with,I don't want God to have to settle in giving me the second best for my life, just because of my disobedience to Him. He wants to give me the best (which I SOOO desire) and I'm realizing more and more that I just need to have enough courage to go through a little more pain to get there.....

I'm not sure how long this is gonna take for me to actually get out of bed and "wake up." I'll be completely honest and say that this is something I'm trying to postpone as long as possible, but I know I can't much longer. I could say I'm trying to wait for the right time and words, but if I don't at least make one small step, I'll be sleeping for much longer than necessary. I might even sleep though the entire day, which is a major problem. So, I know I just need to make that first step... somehow.... and God will take care of the rest. I trust in that....

*this post was inspired by yesterday's message at Newberg Foursquare Church. 

Seven Reasons to Smile (9/3/12)

I haven't done this in a while. So here goes:

1. Education. Although it's been a somewhat stressful first couple of days of school, I'm thankful for the opportunity to be here. Even when I feel like school is the LAST thing I want to do, I know God's placed me here... for a specific reason. I'm still trying to figure it out, but at least HE knows!!

2. My family. I would not be where I am today without their constant support, encouragement and prayers. I love them so much, and I'm thankful they never gave up on me.

3. My friends who keep me sane. Enough said. :)

4. The sunshine. I've loved having these beautiful, sunny days here. Not too hot... and no rain!

5. God's still refining me. As painful as it is, I know that it's worth it... It's funny because sometimes I think God's done refining me... but then he catches my attention somehow, and says "Shauna, I'm not done with you yet! :)"

6. He has a plan for my life. Thank GOODNESS. Because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING half the time. Haha. He will get me through this...

7.  God is good. All the time. And for this reason, I have many more than 7 reasons to smile.