365 days

Time changes people. 365 days changed me. Go back in time, just for a second, 365 days ago... who were you then? Who are you know? For myself, when I look back a year ago, I can honestly say that I've changed... like a lot. My dreams, my relationships, my everything... my heart. God's in the process of changing every part of me. He's doing all He can to refine and rid me of anything He doesn't desire for my life.

God changes people. He's changed me. In the next 365 days, I expect God to change and mold me even more... I can't wait to look back, a year from today, and see all that He's done...

He made it happen.

He made the impossible happen.

Trusting God

All the time; not just in times of trouble...

Seven Reasons to Smile (Finals are done!)

1. I took a 21 page final... absolutely RIDICULOUS. Whatever. It's done! :)

2. I passed a class that I seriously thought I was going to fail. Miracles do happen! God is good! I seriously couldn't have done it without Him! He really never ceases to amaze me. 

3. Remembering God's promises and grace... He brought me to it AND brought me through it. 

4. Cleaning the apartment. Like non-stop today, with Sonia and Rebecca! I'll miss sharing an apartment with them :) Love them. So many great memories with them!

5. Last meal in the Bon. I get real food tomorrow!! Home... yay!!! :)

6. Three more semesters. And. I'm. Done. Woooooohooo. Beyond excited.

7. Summer is finally here :)

Seven Reasons to Smile (Final #2)

1. Finally done with one of my least favorite classes I've taken here... :) But I'm wiser because of it! I think...

2. Packing. Bittersweet! :) More sweet than bitter, actually.

3. My mama is the best mom in the world :)

4. Awkward encounters. It seems like I had a lot of those today. Oh well. Hahah. Good thing I can just laugh it off...

5. Italian sodas in the Bon... in "celebration" of the year. Ha.

6. This has been one crazy semester. Good, bad. And everything in between. But through it all, I've come so far and grown so much :)

7. Last study break of the year tonight. Phase 10 with my roomies... aka some of my favorite people in the world :)

Seven Reasons to Smile (Final #1)

1. Well, I got my first final done. It was probably one of the hardest, most ridiculous exams I've taken. At least it's over! :) Thank GOD.

2. Worrying means a lack of trust. My mama reminded me of this today. So thankful for her, and all the other positive influences in my life!

3. Confirmations... and answers to prayers.

4. The courage to stand up for myself, even though it was one of the hardest things to do...

5. Faith in God. He will see this through... all of this.

6. Fun study sessions. Makes this class worthwhile :)

7. Almost. Done :)

I love when God proves me wrong

It just goes to show that He's in complete control of my life. Sometimes when I think I have it all figured out, He likes to remind me that I don't have it all figured it out at all. But, He does. He knows best. I can't do this alone. He constantly brings me back to HIM over and over again. He's the answer. Always, always, ALWAYS.

Seven Reasons to Smile (Studyin, studyin, studyin...)

1. Time to myself at home. Thinking, pondering, praying, etc :)

2. Looking back on the year, and being happy with how far I've come, where I am, and where I'm going...

3. Having people who I know are constantly praying for me :)

4. People come and go. And you have NO idea how badly I've experienced this year thus far... but I'm so content with who I've surrounded myself with. I love the friends and family God's presently put in my life. They are blessings every day, in so many ways!

5. Dinner in the Bon. Haha. I love the random, spontaneous dinners at Fox. I haven't had one of them in a while, so it seems... Love moments like these.

6. Being a little less stressed for my first final tomorrow... Philippians 4:13. SO glad I read this morning. Much needed reminder!

7.  Faith. Hope.  I know the long hours of studying will pay off. I believe this :)

Love & cherish the people God gave you, because He will need them back some day.

A little sad, but very true. I'm learning to live with this, as hard as it is...

Seven Reasons to Smile (Dead Day)

1. It's a perfect day for a dress! Hehe. This weather, although I'm stuck inside studying, is absolutely beautiful. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, people are out, and it's just... absolutely wonderful.

2. It's my last Monday at Fox for a while; this time next week, I'll be home. Home, sweet, home. I can't wait. It's been a long semester. But it's been worth it...

3. Studying. I know the hours I've been studying will pay off in about 2 days. God knows how hard I have worked and how badly I want this. Romans 8:28

4. ONLY four more days!! I've never been more excited for a semester to end! Seriously.

5. University Ambassadors! I love this family.

6. Pretty successful Dead day. Relaxing, productive. Great combination.

7. I'm pretty darn blessed. Sometimes it's easy to forget that, but it's true and I need to be reminded of this every single day.

Seven Reasons to Smile (Finals week)

I'll be posting my "Seven Reasons to Smile" every day this week. It's Dead day, which mean finals have finally arrived... meh. Somewhat stressful. Not gonna lie, but I'm a little more anxious this time around... But I still have several reasons to smile :) This week is God's. He's got this...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." - Philippians 4:6

Grace

Where nothing is earned,
but everything is given.

God specializes in the IMPOSSIBLE.

He makes them possible :)

The world hates me

I'm in the middle of reading the book of Revelation. It's a very confusing book, however lately I've been thinking about the end times. I honestly think we're in it. Or at least, we're close...

I'm also in the middle of some situations where I just think: why!? This is ridiculous. Being hated on because of this is not fair, whatsoever.

But these situations I'm in also remind me that good wins always. Love always win. Right now, even though, we may not be winning, we're well on our way to the victory. I believe that our side will win because God's on this side. Who can be against us? The world will hate me. In Matthew 10:22, Jesus says that the world will hate you because of Him. I am experiencing that even now... my loved ones are experiencing it, too.

All in all, I believe in our actions because it's not pleasing to the world. I'm not here to please the world. I've been put on this earth to please and praise my God. Not my peers. Not this world... Jesus didn't please  the world, but He did save it and love the people in it. I want to follow that example and love the people in this world, but never... ever to strive to please them.

Prayer is powerful.

There's a lot I'm praying for. I've been keeping track of my prayers for a little over a year now in a prayer journal (for just about anything...big or small). Some prayers have been answered right away. Some have been answered slowly over time. Some are still not answered from even when I started the journal. I have prayers that are over a 16 months old. God's given me all kinds of answers, too:

"Yes!" :)
"No, but I have something better mind."
"It's time to let it go and surrender it to Me. I will take care of it."

He's answered some prayers in ways that I've never thought before. It's kinda crazy, actually. Ultimately, His Will is done, though. It's just that plain and simple.

And this morning I was looking at my prayer journal, I added two more prayer requests. But as I was looking back at the pages of requests I have presented to God, I noticed a lot of blank spaces under the column that's titled "Date answered." It just keeps piling up...

It made me sad a little bit. I really wasn't a fan of seeing all that white space this morning. Why hasn't God answered these things yet?! I don't understand.

But then I looked at all the answered prayers over the past year. That brought a smile to my face. God is good, and He's done some pretty amazing things just in the past year. Just looking back, I can see that prayer, including the small ones, is powerful! I can only imagine what He's going to in this next year. I can only imagine what He's going to do tomorrow....

Have you prayed today? That's all it take. Just pray. I promise you it'll change your life. HE will change your life. :)

What if?

Do you ever feel like you're living life on the wrong path? The questions of "what if this?" or "what if that?" What if I had made that one small decision differently, which would've then caused me to be on a completely different path? A different school, major, city, choice of words. A different step.

One decision, no matter how small it seems, impacts the rest of your life. This morning, I thought about a million what ifs. It scares me, actually... what if I made the wrong choice? What if I had taken that opportunity? What if I had said something earlier? What if I had chosen something else? What if...? I think a lot about how my life could've been different... I sometimes think different could be better.

Hmm, but then I also think about the biggest "what if" that has impacted humanity... What if Jesus hadn't died? I'm literally sitting here and this thought just came to mind... What if? If He hadn't come to save me, then I would be dead! I would be even more lost than I am now! I wouldn't have any guidance whatsoever.

God saved me from that "what if." Because of that, I can be content. That chose God made, to choose me, set me on the path I am today... and I am beginning to realize again that it's the path I need to be on. He has a plan for my life. He has my future set out, and I'm on my way there... The path may be a dark and scary path. But I'm not alone. God is with me. He's carrying me every step of the way :)

I'm not one to post lyrics...

Beauty From Pain

The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

And then the darkness surrounds me

I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over

My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made

I try to keep warm but i just grow colder

I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me

The best i can do is just get through the day

When life before is only a memory

I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place

And though i can't understand why this happened

I know that i will when i look back someday

And see how you've brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me

Tryin to hold to what i can't seeI forgot how to hope

This night's been so long

I cling to Your promise

There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain

After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today,

Someday i'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain

Seven Reasons to Smile (4/18/12)

Today I'm choosing to re-visit my "seven reasons." Most of the time, I do these when life is rough, especially. It helps me remember that I always have a reason to smile :)

1. God is my Helper. He is with me. It'll be okay. These past few weeks have been challenging academically, especially. But I believe that He is in control. He is walking with me, each step of the way. I really have no reason to fear. 

2. People come and go. They hurt, fail and never meet our expectations. But God does. He is always exceeds my expectations. He comforts, heals and never forsakes us.

3. Family. I get to go home in less than 2 weeks, and I'm beyond excited! I love all of them so much! And I'm honestly so. freaking. blessed. God knew I'd need each one of them for such specific, necessary, and divine reasons!

4. I'm realizing more who God's created me to be, and also who He is. It's a painful process getting to where I'm headed, but that's refinement, and it's beautiful. God's guiding, leading, and bringing me to places where my limits are pushed... but once again, He's with me. I won't give up.

5. The world is not my home. Almost every single day, I'm reminded of this sweet fact. My reward and citizenship is in Heaven. No wonder I'm struggling so much here... I don't truly belong here. :)

6. God's opinion matters more than what other people say about me. He is perfect. So I'm pretty sure I can trust that what He says is actually true!

7. HE. IS. GOOD. All the time. 

Friend Phases

I've been noticing a lot of friend phases in the people around me, actually also in people I used to call friends... :( To me, this is just sad... But I also think it says something about people (yes, including myself) and their inability to stick around and consistently love on those God's put in their lives. I just think it's silly to jump around from friend group to friend group. Maybe I'm over-thinking, but it just doesn't make sense to me... inconsistency. Surfacy.

Consistency. That's what I'm thankful for. Constant and positive influences in my life that are still with me. I think I used to be one to jump from one group to another... I think back to a time where I didn't have a core group that I truly trusted and felt comfortable, like I do now. I have the best friends that I could possibly ask for now. They were my friends at the beginning of the year... and as this year is beginning to wrap up, they're still my friends now :) They are consistent presences in my life. And I love them to death.

Grades don't get me into Heaven.

As a former 4.00 student in high school, it's hard to be at college not getting straight A's... it actually sucks. It sucks being compared to the genuises here at school. Straight up sucks.

But over the past two years and especially in this past semester, I'm being reminded that although my GPA will get me into a good school or give me a good job, it has nothing to do with me getting into Heaven. My worth is found in Jesus, not my grades. God doesn't compare me to anyone in this world. I'm just me. Good enough. And smart enough for him... I needed that reminder tonight. I need that reminder everyday, actually. Yes, I will strive to get good grades and do the best I can possibly do, but there's more to life than that... my life is His. My goal is to give glory to Him, even if that means getting something less than an A, or even a B... I will still praise Him! :)

Materialistic

That's our world. I despise living in a world that holds so much value on things. Stupid, little, material things. Materialism doesn't buy you happiness. Why do we, as humans, care so much about the stuff we don't have, when true joyfulness can come from knowing what we already have? When will people finally understand this simple concept? For myself, I don't want the latest and hottest... I rarely like getting gifts. I already have everything I need. I have my friends. I have my family. I have the gift of life. I have God. That's more than enough, and it's all I need.

He lacks nothing.

Without Him, we lack everything.

"I'd rather have four quarters than 100 pennies."

I'd take a few honest, real friends over a hundred people-pleasing, fake friends any day. Last night I was just reminded of how blessed I am to have each one of those few, but real friends that I do have here. I was reminded why I am so picky in who I choose to be friends with. "I'd rather have four quarters than 100 pennies." Close friends mean much more to me than acquaintances. And last night, I was able to hang out with some of my favorite people here at school. We could be real and totally honest with each other, and still have a really awesome time! That means a lot to me because if I can't be real with them, they can't possibly know who I am. I know I can be real with these people. But not only can I be real with them, I also know they accept my imperfections. I see Jesus shown in the way they live because they stand up for what they believe in, even if that means offending the world. Jesus never followed the ways of the world. And quite frankly, I don't want to either. Genuine. That's who my friends are. They truly are like family :)

"You can't please everyone...

...so instead of trying to do what everyone else wants you to do, why don't you do something for yourself?" Um, well because that's not going to be enough, either. Now I know that it's good to take time for yourself and all that, and I may be trying taking this quote out of context, but instead of trying to please everyone or yourself, why not please God?  Why not strive to do what God wants you to do? There's no point in pleasing everyone. It's not going to happen. There's not even any point to trying to please yourself. Because that won't fulfill you either. Only God will. I can't even express this enough...

People will never meet every one of your expectations. But, God will exceed each and every one. Seek not the approval of creation, but of Him, our Creator.

Enough said.

"It's not my data."

If you really know me, you should also know that I like discovering weird and funny analogies that I can relate them to my own life. It might a big stretch, but I really don't care. It makes sense to me, and I like these parallels in my life, even if I sometimes have to make it up.

Today in one of my classes, we were talking about a database, and how sometimes we're just given all the information in it, but we can't change what's in it because our job is simply to build up the database. Nothing else. Tweaking it won't cut it. When we think something is missing or wrong, instead we have to go to those who actually own the database and make sure what we think is wrong is actually wrong, and then take action accordingly.

Okay, here's where the analogy. Again, it's a stretch, but just bear with me. My life is the mess of data in a huge database. I'm trying to control and change it because I think I know best. "Something's missing. Something's wrong. I should probably fix this in this way aka. my way" My first instinct is to try to change something in my life on my own. You wanna know how well that works out for me? Yeah, not very well. I don't own this life, even though it's mine. God does. My life is 100% His. Yes, He's blessed and given me this life, but He's in charge. He makes all the changes, ultimately. Everything and everyone must go through Him before I have anything to do with it. At least that's how I want to live.

When I desire something in my own life, I need to communicate that to Him through prayer. Sometimes His answer is "yes." Sometimes it's "no." And sometimes it's "not yet." But I trust that He knows best. he truly does have my best interest in life... :)

At the End of the Day

What in the world am I doing? What in the world does God think He's doing right now in my life? How in the world does this even make sense? These are the questions that have swarmed my head today. Why? How? I just don't understand the way God works in my life... but I guess I'm not programmed to do so. I will never understand.

But at the end of the day, I guess that doesn't matter. As I was walking home tonight I realized that God does know what He's doing. This sweet truth isn't something new, it's just another reminder. In fact, this is something that God reminds me over and over. He knows I need the reminders, too! But also as I was walking home in the rain, God placed on my heart another small, but sweet truth: He knows what He's doing, but even more than that, He puts a lot of thought into it. 

It brought a smile to my face, actually. You might not think this is something to write a post on, but it was something I needed to be reminded of. Who am I that He would be mindful of me? Who am I that God would put this much thought into my life? He doesn't just hand me everything to make life a breeze... but instead He puts circumstances in my life that almost forces me to continually seek Him. At the end of the day, I know they'll make me stronger. They may push me beyond my limits, but I know it's worth it because of the skillful and thoughtful hands that are orchestrating each moment in my life... God.

He knows what He's doing. At the end of the day, it comes down to Him. His Will, not mine.

Un-qualifications

I'm not qualified for a lot. And I'm sitting here tonight thinking about that... I feel like there's a lot of opportunities that I would love to take part in, but I can't because I'm just not qualified. That kinda sucks. But as I was thinking about this, a story came to mind. The story of Moses. Moses was not qualified at all. He even had a speech impediment. No one would've even imagined the miracles God used him for. He qualified him because he submitted to God's Will.

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called." That actually brings a smile to my face... and to my heart tonight. Because I'm reminded that God is qualifying me now... it's a long, and painful process. But God called me long ago.. in fact, He called me the day I said "yes" to Him. So I know I'm called, therefore He will qualify me in time. Somehow, someway... He's a creative God! :)

When I am weak, Your strength is complete.

I'm exhausted mentally, physically, even emotionally. I am weary. I am tired. I feel weak. I just would really benefit from a nap or something... But that's where God's strength works at its best. When I am weak, His strength is complete. In my weakness, I find His perfect strength. I'm learning this over and over again this year. Those trials, tests, and tribulations that I face on a daily basis remind me of my weaknesses and shortcomings. But they also remind me that my strength comes solely from God. My own mental, physical or emotional strength will never be enough for me. I need His strength. He completes me. Because of Jesus, I am made whole. Anew. I can face the day.

I can do all things who Christ who strengthens me.

"You got here just in time to let me know I was worth saving."

Perfect timing. That's just how God works. I think back to the time I felt most worthless. I felt as if life was too burdensome to carry on. Complete brokenness. Hopelessness. Ready to give up.

Little did I know that this hell and despair brought me back to where I am today... to where I was supposed to be. It brought me to redemption... His cross. It's bringing me to the extravagant future only God could have anything to do with. God came just in time to make sure I knew that I was worth saving and worth pursing. I am beautiful and precious in His sight.

A perfect God. A perfect Savior. Who died on the cross, and on the third day, rose again... just in time to save me... this broken world, and all of humanity.

In the Tomb

Patiently waiting for tomorrow.

Useless

Over the past week or so, that's how I've felt. Useless. That word has been constantly coming up in my head. I have been feeling like I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough in this world, and I serve no purpose... But I know in my heart that's not true. God died for me because I am good enough. He died for me because I am worth it. Each time that word has come to mind, I know God has been whispering to me, "You are useful, and You are a divine part of my Plan. You have a purpose." Today is a reminder of that. Good Friday.

God had a plan all along... a good and perfect plan. Jesus was that plan. His death changed the course of history for all of mankind. God sent Him into this broken world and used Him. Like that, I trust that God's using me to serve in His perfect Will. Right now, it's hard to see the end of that, but I believe in it. I am useful. God is able to use anyone... even a imperfect being like me.

Having a bad week?

Just think about what Jesus was going through this time over 2000 years ago... did that make your week better? I hope so. He was suffering for you. He was fighting for you. He was dying for you. Because He loves you more than anything. My friend said this today and it reminded me of how blessed I am. Seriously. Completely 100% blessed.

Scarred, but Sacred Hands

This morning as I was bowing in worship during our school's Easter chapel, I was reminded of something sacred. Something painful. Something beautiful and simple. I looked down at my hands. Clean, smooth, whole, unbeaten, unbroken... unscarred. These unbroken hands belonged to a broken being. A sinner. Of course then, I began to picture the hands of Jesus. Bloody, dirty, broken, tortured, pierced... scarred. Those hands belong to a perfect being. A Savior.

I began to cringe at the sight I saw in my head. But it didn't stop there... as the chapel service went on, I heard a nail being pounded onto a cross. I looked up and saw one of the stations where students literally place and nail their confession with a hammer on symbolic cross in the front. That constant sound throughout caused me to cringe even more... God doesn't deserve those hands. I, as a sinner, did. 

But what I keep being reminded of over and over again is that I could never have been the one to suffer like He did. Yeah, I deserve it... But His unconditional Love is greater than my sins. He loves me so much that He chose to die for me, so I didn't have to go through what I rightly deserved. He submitted to God's Will to be nailed to a cross because that meant choosing me, and to Him, that was worth it :)

We all know the story, right? He died on the cross and rose again, and now He's in Heaven watching over us. I believe although Jesus is perfect in every way, I still believe His hands still are scarred and pierced. I think when I get to Heaven, those still scarred hands will be just another reminder of His Love for me. What a day that will be when I get to bow at the scarred feet that walked this earth and died for me and this entire world. What a day that will be when I get to touch the scarred and sacred hands that are still holding this scarred and broken girl today.

Faith isn’t faith until we put feet to it.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.” - Isaiah 54:4a

Don't you just hate it when you just about conquer a fear of yours, another area of fear is just beginning to come your way? Trials and tests never seem to cease in my life. Struggles are attracted to me. But by faith in God, I am able to conquer them. I believe that God is my Helper. I believe that He is with me. I believe all of that. But is that it? Is believing all I have to do?

I'm in a season of life where I'm learning that there's more to it. Faith isn't just believing. Faith is belief in action. Faith isn't faith until we put feet to it. In certain things I'm facing today, I'm learning how I can do it. And I'm clinging on to the same promise that God promised to Joshua. He was strong and courageous. I can be that too. The Lord is with me wherever I go. Wherever my life takes me, He is holding my hand along the way. There's no need to be discouraged.

1 in 7,004,335,460

I am just one in over 7 billion people in this world. How is it possible that the Maker of this Universe could love little 'ol me? I'm nothing in comparison. I think of the life I live, and wonder why God would be so invested in it. There's nothing special about me. I'm just ordinary. But God... well He's extraordinary! So He would be crazy to involve himself in a life like mine... that's why bad things happen to me. Because God isn't there. He doesn't care... right?

Nope. He does care, and today was a much-needed reminder to myself of how much God loves me. I was simply reminded that God truly is involved in my life. Truth is, God loves me more than I can comprehend. He loves me more than the sparrows that Matthew 10 speaks of. Not one sparrow is taken out of God's care. Just look outside. Do you see the birds? Do you see how nothing is out of place? From sunrise to sunset, it's perfect. This organized beauty is a reminder that God is in control of this world... and of my small in comparison, but significant life.

He is the Creator of all things, including my not-so-great circumstances in my life. However, just like Creation is greater than the creation, He is greater than my circumstances. He is in control of my circumstances... In fact, He is using my circumstances to bring me closer to Him. God is invested in this life. He's working in my best interest because I am one in 7 billion. I'm THAT special to Him.

How great and awesome it is to serve a God like Ours. His undeniable love was shown on the cross over 2000 years ago. For me! For you. For each and every person on this earth, all 7 billion of them. For all of humanity throughout all of history. That same unfailing love is still here today... He's been there all along. Even when I don't feel like He's with me, I have faith that He is walking beside me always. I have faith that He loves me... little 'ol me. I see His love shown outside in the stars and sunshine. I see it in the beauty that comes from ashes. I see it in the hundreds of people that walk passed. I see it in His new mercies every morning. I see it in my circumstances. I see it in the sparrows.