Even in the midst of a cloudy day, the sun still shines.

Just like that, even in the midst of a crappy day, like today, my God still reigns and I have a reason to smile. No matter what.

Seven Months to Smile About

August is just around the corner. And I can't believe it. 2012 has been a crazy year so far. God's taught me so much these past 7 months, too. And I think that's why it's been so wonderful. He's taught me more about myself and about His character. I can't help and look back at the past seven months.

1. He's answered my prayers. Sometimes they've been in ways I haven't expected, but nonetheless, He's answered them according to His Will. That's more than enough.

2. He's continued to refine me. He has yet to give up on me, and I can't thank Him enough for that. He reminds me constantly that His plan is better than mine. He loves me that much. :)

3. He turned trials and tears into testimonies. That's his specialty. No pain goes to waste with Him!

4. He made the impossible possible. Literally. I'm so thankful for His miracles everyday!

5. He's been my undeniable strength. In my weakness, I find His strength. He's my rest!

6. He's never failed me. People might fail me. They might not meet my expectations. But God won't. Again, He loves me that much.

7. He makes each day special, in His own way. This is so true for my life! I can't emphasize that enough! He makes sure I know everyday is His, not mine. He teaches me something new everyday. He constantly reminds me. :)

He makes me smile. What a year it's been so far.... and there's five months to go. I can't wait for what God has in store! Instead of being anxious, I will have faith that He's gonna take me places I've never been, all for a divine purpose though. Just like He's been doing... I know the road might be crazy hard, but He'll be there with me, every step of the way. I have 20+ years to prove that He will be right beside me. I also have these past seven months to show that I have something to smile about. I have a reason to look forward to and smile about the future...

Jesus, I'm ready for you to come now.

God's Direction

My sense of direction has never been good. It isn't absolutely horrible, but it's definitely not where I'd like it to be. I usually need someone to tell me to turn right, or to turn left. Or to keep going straight when it comes to areas I'm not especially familiar with. But as for my spiritual journey, it's about the same. I need God's direction. I need Him guiding me what turn to make next, how fast to go, and when to get there. What's awesome is that He's been holding my hand, every moment of my life, guiding me to this moment. But at this point in my life, I'm at a defining crossroad. And this crossroad is a place I'm definitely not familiar with. I've never been here before. Ever. And I'm not sure which path to take, though. I kinda of see the results of several paths I could take. I just don't know which one is best. I don't know which path is part of God's Will. That's the path I'd like to take, ultimately. It's just hard being in a position where I am right now. I can't see the end of the road. I can't see the destination yet.

God knows each destination. I trust that He'll lead and guide me to the right one, too. I have faith in Him to do that. God brought me to this crossroad, and I know He'll bring me through it. I might be here for a little longer than most people, though. I don't wanna rush it, make the wrong turn and reach a dead end. This decision I make is just too precious to me.

I trust in Him. I will follow Him.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Breathe in: "I can't."

Breathe out: "He can!"
Every breath I take is a reminder of who God is. He's my strength, and everything good.

If I could redo mistakes in my past, then I wouldn't be exactly where I am today.

And I know that today I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I'm here because God divinely brought me to it.

Anointing Oil

Today I worked at the front door. It was a good day. Let me tell you why, though. While working at the door, one of my co-workers, who also happens to be a brother in Christ, told me that he'd sprinkled "anointing oil" around the front door a few days ago. I thought that was so cool! We began talking about what prompted those actions and about how anointing oil is, in a sense, like praying for these members that walk in and out of this warehouse on a daily basis. Whenever I'm working, I try to see these people in a way God would see them. I try to say a tiny prayer for as many as I can, too. But it does get difficult, since I often get so distracted...

But I just thought about how cool it would be to pour anointing oil around the warehouses' perimeter. I  probably won't ever get around to doing that, but I would love to one day walk around the building and just pray for it... Maybe that'll happen, maybe it won't. I'm not sure. But it's something I thought about doing today.

Anyway, back to my day. It was great. After this co-worker of mine ended his shift, I made sure to thank him for doing what he did. It may seem silly to some, but I believe that act of faith had God's divine power within it! Today was a unordinary good day at the front door. And I believe it had something to do with that oil.

Past, Present, Future

I'm beyond the point where I've learned accept and forgive myself for the mistakes I've made in my past. But for a split second, I remembered how much my mistakes have hurt or will hurt people I love and I really wanted to regret it all over again... But I just couldn't. Those mistakes weren't just lessons for me, but they are the reasons I'll never settle or go back to my old life. They were the motivations for finding something better. Beauty from ashes. God burned away my old life, and I was given a brand new one through Christ alone. He reminded me that I have a bright future ahead of me, despite the mistakes I've made. While I'll still have to face certain consequences for my sins, I don't have to regret them, entirely. I've already been made new. And God uses those mistakes for His glory.

I think the reason I had to go through so much pain was to see the difference in the possibilities of what's to come. It's a big difference, too! I think I also needed to make those mistakes to realize my worth and the enormous love God and others have for me, even though I mess up. While I'll never fully get my innocence back, I have been redeemed and forgiven. That makes my heart smile.

I can smile at my past, present and future. My past brought me to where I am today. It brought my to my present. My decisions made me who I am today. I'm here. And I'm ready for my future.

I need You

"I need you to soften my heart,
And break me apart.
I need you to pierce through the dark,
And cleanse every part of me."

With my Heart, Mind and Soul

I love You so. 

Seven Reasons to Smile (7/18/12)

I haven't done this in a while, so I thought I would tonight :) Since I have a lot of reasons to smile!

1. My family. They do so much for me. They love and support me like no other. Each one of them is a blessing in my life, for such different and specific reasons. Even the smallest things they do for me, that means the world to me.

2. My friends. Tonight I got to hang out with some pretty amazing people. They're like my second family. Tons of laughter took place, and I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have them in my life. They're the bestest! 

3. My job. I'm blessed to have the job that I have. Sometimes I really can't stand this job of mine, but through it all, I still thankful for it. Plus, I have some pretty amazing co-workers that I've been getting to know over the past year. It's just great!

4. This summer, and where I am. Spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc! Although I know, without a doubt, there is always room for growth, I know I'm exactly where I am supposed to be. This summer has probably been one of the best yet, and I honestly wish it didn't have to end so soon... But anyway, this summer has been the most meaningful and purposeful, probably. And I guess it's not over yet, which is kinda exciting!

5. My future. God is preparing my heart today. He's consistently refining me :) I'M EXCITED where He takes me and who He makes me.

6. Those constant reminders. Everyday, I'm reminded of who God is, and who He's calling me to be. I'm beyond thankful for these reminders. 

7. I have WAY more than 7 reasons to smile....

"I'm always afraid I'm gonna mess it up."

I said that today in regards to something that doesn't really matter in the long run. I still thought it several times in my head though. That's why I find myself having a harder time taking those risks I know God has called me to do in this moment. Today, there was an instance where I was just doubtful about myself and all I could do was worry I was going to mess up. But I didn't. I did alright. I had help along the way, though. And that's what got me through it!

So when it comes to the big decisions in life, I still know I don't need to doubt myself anymore. I need that confidence only found in Jesus. He's got me through so much already. I know I'm ready. In my heart, I believe I'm ready to take this new step. Whether I'll fall when I take that risky step or not, I'll take it in faith. That's the safest bet. I have people who love me praying for me. I have Jesus with me, too. It's gonna be okay. I won't mess it up.

God has a way with working things together.

I'm genuinely excited for this next season of my life. It's a new and different season for me. Maybe it'll be a short season, but hopefully it's a long one? Only God knows. Only He knows what I need and who I need. All I can do is submit to His plan. His way. This new season, I foresee new people, and new experiences; I feel like I'm getting a fresh start almost, that I totally don't deserve. It kinda came out of nowhere, but it makes me smile because I enjoy surprises like this. That's just how God works, though. When I least expect it and when I stopped looking, he makes things happen. I'm looking forward to what God has in store in this. 

When you stop looking, it finds you.

My Briauna Babe

My little camper. Her smile melts my heart. Her laugh is contagious. Her beauty comes from within. She is adorable. She is my little penguin. She was my little girl for a week. And I'm so thankful I got to spend another week with her. Every night before I went to bed, I tucked her in and then, thanked God for her. She is PRECIOUS. I love her more than I did a year ago when I first met her. She has grown so much. She has learned so much.

One thing I so admire about her is that she has a heart for people. Her concern for them is astonishing. There were several moments where all I could do was smile and be so proud of her. One moment that especially made me smile was when she was getting her medication from the nurses before breakfast. The second morning at camp, she was the first one to be there, and she got a prize for it. She was so excited. And honestly, so was I! (I also found pride in the fact that she was the first in our tent to go to sleep and be ready, too). She was a good little girl. Hahah. Anyway, the third morning came around. I was holding her hand and excitedly telling her that we might be the first ones again to the nurses, which means she'd get another prize! But then she said something that reminded me of the Jesus in her. She said to me with a smile, "If I'm the first one again, I'm going to give the next person the prize, so they can have a chance to win something." Um, wow. This little 8-year old was sacrificing something special for another. Although this is a stretch, she gave the next person in line something they technically didn't deserve. That's grace and genuine love right there for a girl her age. There were also other moments where I could see her love and genuine care for her fellow friends at camp. It was amazing to witness my little girl do that.

Would I, a 20-year old girl, give up something I rightfully deserved for another? I'm not sure. But I'd like to think I would. Anyhow, Briauna challenged me this past week. She reminded me the significance of love for people again in moments like this. She blessed me in every moment I got to spend with her. Even when she had her tantrums, she was a blessing to me. I smile just thinking about her. I love our conversations about God and our walks together. I love cutting up her food at meals. I love praying with and for her. I love when we match and wear purple together. I love when she would run up to me a give me a giant hug. I love holding her in my arms. I cherish each of those moments. I love her. She's precious to me. And she's even more precious to God. He knows and loves her more than anyone could. She's in His hand. She's His child. And she's my Briauna babe. :)

Ready or Not.

Sometimes I think I'm more ready than I really am. Other times, I think I'm not as ready as I am. This means when all I want to do is "go for it" I have to be patient and wait. And those other times, I have to take the risk, even though I might have doubt about it. Ultimately though, I believe God works things out in His way, by His timing. He makes things happen, when He knows I'm ready for it. He molds my character, my skills, my heart for these things. I've experienced this for the last couple of months. Usually these things, to my surprise, happen when I least expect it. But it turns out, I'm never right and I could never possibly plan it better than He can.

I guess that's the amazing thing about God. He's constantly showing me that He's in control of my life. He's also showing me everyday that He loves taking part in my life. Even the small things. He loves me that much. He works it all out. My doubts and anxieties are gone because of Him. My selfish and rash decisions are destroyed because of Him. Again, it all works out, whether I'm ready or not.

"Christians are like glow sticks. In order to shine they must be broken first."

So. Good.

Royal Family Kids Camp.

Tomorrow begins my week at camp. I am so excited for what is to come... I can't wait to spend a week with my little girl! This week is HIS!

Again, today was one of those days.

The not-so-great ones. I can think of several moments that just kinda.... sucked. But right now in this very moment, I'm reminded that those very unpleasant moments don't really impact my future, therefore it shouldn't affect my attitude about today, either. I need to re-focus. I need to remember the good moments about today, that I'm forgetting. There were also several moments today that brought a smile to my face. :) I need to remember that God is still my God. He got me through today, and He will get me through tomorrow, too. Once again, I need to say, "Today was His day, not mine."

"Father, I am here for You. Show me who You are."

I am not here because God needs me, but rather because He put me here. I am here for Him. In everything I do or say, I try to make Him the center of it. Everything I take part in is for Him. Each day, I try to say those words, "Father, I am here for You. Show me who You are." I want to know more of who He is, each and every day. It's simple, but powerful and life-changing.

Conversations with Jesus

I always enjoy spending time with Jesus, whether it's through prayer in the morning, on my way to work, while at work, or when I go to sleep. What I've realized, though, in these past 6 months, is that it's important to spend time with Him. It doesn't matter when or how. But it's important to grow and talk to Jesus on a daily basis. If I claim that He is the most relationship in my life, I think it's reasonable that I act like that too, right?

The amazing thing about my conversations with Jesus is they can happen literally 24/7. No other relationship of mine is like that. I really do take advantage of that, too... I find myself praying in the most random of places and times of the day.But He nonetheless, listens; no matter what, no matter where. Now that I think about it, sometimes prayer is the only reason I get through the day. Constant communication and access to the God of this universe?!? I think that's pretty powerful. I'm thankful for a God who listens to me. I'm thankful for a God who answers prayers. For over 20 years, He's answered my prayers, and He's been there for me. I'm thankful for a friend like that.