It's about asking God the right questions.

Tonight, I had a wonderful two hour long conversation with a friend of mine. We only thought we'd be talking for a few more minutes, since it was somewhat late and we both just got of our night class, but somehow it ended up being over two hours. And even though I didn't get as much homework done as I thought I was going to, this conversation was well worth it. We talked about THE most random things some things that have such little significance to everyday life (there were definitely some laughs, which I'm thankful for as it's been a crazy first couple of days). We also talked about some bigger and more relevant things in life. One thing stuck out to me from this conversation.... And it encouraged me tonight because it was a reminder of what I need to be doing, especially in the midst of confusion that I'm currently in...

She was telling me a story about her dad. It was a simple story, but essentially it had to do with prayer and the importance of asking the right question. I think so often I try to get an answer I want out of God by asking a question that is solely motivated for selfish reasons. I forget that I sometimes need to ask God the right question, that's asked with Him and His blessings in mind, not myself and what I selfishly desire.... The answer I get in return may or may not be what I ever thought it would be or it might not be what I presently desire, but because I'm open to His Will, I have faith that it's for the best.

In this season of my life, I think I'm realizing that I have been asking God the wrong question, and therefore I haven't received an answer right away... Instead, I need to ask a different question, and it's the right one. In the moment, I know I might be put into an uncomfortable position... but once again, in the long run, it'll be worth it. :) I trust in that fact... But now, I just need the wisdom to be able to discern what He's telling me and the courage to actually submit to His Will.

Thoughts

I'm done with my second day of my senior year (that will take 3 semesters...haha). Believe it or not, I still have two more classes I haven't even had yet. But anyway, it feels like I've been here for months. It feels like we're already in the middle of the semester. I know this semester will be a tough one. These past two days have definitely proven that. These next few months will challenge me in every way possible... academically, relationally, emotionally and physically. Spiritually speaking, I'm taking things one day at a time. My faith in God is going to bring me through this semester, and He will give me strength in all those areas. He'll give me rest, too.

I'm still very excited for what God has in store for me. I believe that this school year will be life-changing. I've always struggled with my calling in life. But by faith, I believe that God will show me what He wants me to do this year. I believe that with all my heart. I'm more open to what He wants me to do than I have ever been. And I'M EXCITED.

Even in the midst of to-do lists of a million pages of homework, projects, and chapters to read, I am content in where I am. I may not have all the answers now, but God is my answer. And in time, He will show me those answers.... :)

It's here.

Today. God brought me here. Let's do this. :) My burden is light.

Deep Breaths

Tomorrow is the beginning of my third year at Fox. And I'm super nervous. I'm nervous, especially for classes. I know they're going to be hard. I know they're going to push me to my limits. I know, even now, that I'm going to be put into situations wayyyy out of my comfort zone. I already know that. But I also know that I serve a God who gives me rest. He takes my heavy, stressful burden and gives me peace in return. So, tomorrow and the rest of this week (and so on after that), I will go into these classes taking a deep breath. I believe I can do this. I believe that anything is possible with God. HE made the impossible happen last year. So, I believe He'll do it again.

And... now that I really think about it, I look back on my summer... and I realize this: He was preparing me for this week. All those lessons and constant reminders that He gave me daily was for this moment. He brought me here. He brought me to this place. And He'll bring me through it. I trust in Him to do that.

Once again I remember... breathe in: I can't. Breath out: HE can!

So, here's to the next year. God, YWBD. <3

"I've forgotten how to be a friend."

This year will be different. I am going to love people, even when it's the hardest thing to do.

I trust that God won't give me more than I can handle.

Breathe in... breathe out. 

God, I need You right now. Desperately. I need Your peace. I just wanna feel safe in Your arms. Your arms are the only place I feel secure in right now. You're my love. You're my hope. God, I need You. Desperately. Right now... 

2012-2013

Last year was a crazyyyy year, and I think this past year was part of the reason I didn't wanna go back this year. But one thing I often forget is that God allowed those certain things to happen to bring me to today, so I could be prepared for what's to come next... eek. But also, I forgot that God was there with me through it all! He BROUGHT me through last year, and there's no reason that He won't do it again!

So, as nervous as I am going back to school in the next couple of days, I know God has this year under control. He won't let me down. Ever. Here I am with a final, and necessary reminder that God has been trying to give me for the past couple of weeks, but I've chosen to ignore it... until now. His reminder is this to me: It's gonna be alright. Because I'll be with you every step of the way :)

I'm looking forward to this next year!
The trials that I'll learn from.
The lessons Jesus will be teaching me.
The memories that I'll be making.
The friendships that'll form.
The goals I'll be achieving...

This year's theme is High Hopes. Not gonna lie, but it's pretty lame... But it's kinda true in my life, for this year. I have "high hopes." But more importantly I have faith in a Higher God. I believe that He will be my strength, peace, courage and rest this school year.

A Prayer Jesus Also Prayed

Right before Jesus was about to get brutally tortured and on a cross to die for my sins, He was in a place called Gethsemane. He prayed a prayer similar to one I prayed a couple days ago. He prayed to His Father in Heaven and said "Abba, Father! You can do all things. Let me not have this cup {of suffering}. But do what you want, not what I want." My prayer was much simpler, however, it kinda had the same point. My prayer was "God, this is Your day, not mine. So... Lord, Your will be done, not mine."

Sometimes I forget that when I pray those words, there's a chance I might not get what I want. If my plans get overtaken by God's plan, I might very well find myself in an uncomfortable position. I might have to go through something a little painful. I might be forced to do something I don't want to. But when I pray those words, I can be sure that if I listen and submit to God's Will, His Way will prevail and He'll get what He wants... and deep down, even though at the moment I can't see it, that's what I want, too. God has my best interests in mind. He always has.

From the beginning of time, he had you and me in mind. All throughout Jesus' life and death AND resurrection, He had us in mind. Just think about where we'd be if Jesus hadn't died for us. What if Jesus didn't want to go through with the Cross just because it wasn't what he wanted in the moment? What if? We couldn't have that forgiveness easily. We wouldn't be able to experience His Holy Presence even while He's in Heaven. Things would be different.

I use Jesus' example for my own life, now. What if I don't listen to God? What if I ignore what He wants for my life? Well, truth is... I don't wanna know. So... here I am not wanting what I want in the moment (and this has to do with SOOO many areas of my life right now). But instead, I'm being reminded of how important it is to submit to God's Plan for my life in every aspect. He has my best interests in mind, and I trust in that. I want what Jesus wants for me. :)

Even Pain has Purpose

Do you wonder why you have to feel pain in a world that is controlled by a loving God? I'm wondering that today... In the moment of pain, it's hard to find its purpose. But I believe that no pain goes to waste. I believe that God doesn't throw anything away, including a hurt or pain in one's life, including my own. Looking back at my life, I see that the pain I went through had a purpose, and it brought me to where I am today. Without that pain, I wouldn't have experienced the miracles that God performs on a daily basis.

Today, as I'm going through some hard times again, I trust that it has a purpose, too. I may not see the purpose in it right now, but I will soon. Heartbreak brings us back to God. Pain brings us to the feet of Jesus, and that's where I am today. In complete surrender, I'm in need of those constant reminders that remind who God is. Good and perfect, and well... He is constantly working everything out for my good, even though I just don't see it right now...

But even in the midst of that pain and confusion I'm in, I can find comfort in the fact that pain has purpose. The pain that I'm feeling is just the dark before the morning... and before the beautiful ending God promises. It's just like the story of the Cross. There was darkness and pain while Jesus was in the tomb. But three days later, He rose again. Without the tomb and without that pain that came from it, there would be no resurrection and no salvation. There was purpose in that pain. A divine purpose :)

Remembering my First Love

My first love is Jesus Christ. Sometimes, I forget that. But He's the one who holds my heart. He carried me through the tough times, and He pursued me until I was His. I could never thank Him enough for that. My love story started with Christ. It began at that moment I could never forget. It was that moment of complete and total surrender. Falling on my knees in awe of a God who would forgive my faults, mistakes and still love every part of me. I am in love. I am in love with my first love, Jesus Christ. He is and will always be my forever love.

No one can satisfy me like He does. No one can touch my heart like He has. No one. This morning I needed this reminder. One of my favorite songs is Divine Romance by Phil Wickham. I love those lyrics. "In Your Presence, I'm completely satisfied. For you, I sing, I dance. I rejoice in this Divine Romance." That says it all. He displayed true love on the cross over 2000 years ago for me. Little 'ol me. He showed me a love that no man could ever show me. For as long as I live, I will have my first love by my side. He's been there from the very beginning, and He's been there every step of the way... I cannot imagine life without Him.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 4:23 which says "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Jesus is the guard keeper of my heart. I gave that job to Him a while ago, and He hasn't let me down since. My prayer is that He keeps guarding my heart.... because it's been broken before, and I pray that was the last time. Jesus healed my heart over and over, and I trust that He will do as long as I need Him to do so. My heart is too precious to Him. Right now, God is holding the key to my heart. He's holding it safe. Safe in His hands.

For the past couple of days, I've been remembering my first love, Jesus. I'm re-realizing how important that is, too :)

Sometimes, God's refinement is painful. But deep down, I know full well that it's completely worth it...

The ending will be beautiful.

This is YOUR day, not mine.

Your Will be done, not mine.

Summer 2012

I can't believe this summer is almost over. It's been almost perfect, in several ways. Most definitely, this summer has been one of my favorites! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Now here I am, with only a week left of summer, looking back on the past three and a half months, and realizing how much of a blessing this summer has been. Here's why:

1) Compared to my previous summers, I finally feel like I'm where I need to be, spiritually. God brought me to this summer. I came into it with fears and anxieties. But He got me through it. I look back to the summer before this one, the one before that, and the ones before that one. All I can do is smile.... because I know this summer is a millions times better than those ones. I've grown up so much since then.

2) The people I've surrounded myself with this summer are people I see in my future. Most of them, that is. I've come to appreciate even more the family and friends that I've been given. I've gotten to know some people this summer who are genuine, and I always have fun with them. I've also met people I never would've thought God wanted me to meet. But somehow, His plan worked it out and paths crossed.

3) God's been my strength and rest. He's also been my comfort, in times of doubt in myself. I remember several times this summer where I felt unworthy about myself. Without going into huge detail, He brought me through it. He was exactly what I needed Him to be.

4) I've learned so much this summer. God's taught me something, LITERALLY everyday. He's taught me something about myself or about His character. I'm so thankful He continues to teach me things. He'll never give up on me. :)

I'm not really ready for summer to end. I'm not ready to go back to school quite yet. But it's gonna come in a week or so. And I need to be ready... I'm going into this next school year with different anxieties, but I just need to remember that coming out of summer 2012, God took away those worries I had going into the summer. He overcame them. So I have faith that this next semester and school year, God will do the same.....

Doubts

A wave of doubts have overcome me. About a lot of things. Big things. Little things, and everything in between. I'm having a harder time letting go of those worries and just letting God take control. But today, I'm just reminded over and over that I don't need to worry. I just need to take a deep breath, and... have faith in Him. He's got it all under control. I can't control much in this vast world, but I can trust in a God who has full control.

This next school year is just around the corner. I'm a little freaking out about it. I'm so not ready for it. But it's almost here... so I know need to get prepared. And God will help me through it. He has gotten me through 14 years of school already, and I think He can get me through a couple more. So here's to the future, once again. Here's to the new school year.

"God, this year is Yours. I'm here for you. So show me who YOU are this next year. Give me the strength and wisdom everyday. Guide my every move, word and thought. Give me Your desires, and Your dreams. Help me to see people in the way You see them. I trust completely in You. Take away my doubts, my fears, my worries, my insecurities, and anything that's not of You in my life. I look back on my life and I am reminded that You've already brought me through 20 years of life. The rest is also up to You because I can't do it all alone. No need for me to worry..." 

Everything Has a Purpose

Today while my feet were gently floating on top of the Tualatin River over the dock, I looked at my toes. Not only do toes just look weird if you look long enough at them, but sometimes when I think of toes, I can't help but wonder. "Why did God even make them?" For a second there, I had forgotten that toes have a purpose of balance. I was reminded that in fact, they DO have a purpose. But THEN I thought, "What's the point of having a pinky finger?" I was then told that their purpose was so you could be fancy... you know... when you're drinking a cup of tea or something. Haha... As silly as that answer was, in that moment, I was reminded that everything has a purpose. Even though it sometimes doesn't really make sense, everything happens for a reason. I find comfort in that tonight. And I find comfort in that fact everyday.

This Past Weekend

I've been surrounded by some pretty amazing people. They're the people who make my life at school, work, etc bearable. I love them so much, and I am honestly blessed beyond belief with them in my life. They are enjoyable and genuine people. I always have fun with them. No matter what the setting is.  They may not be the most popular or the most people-pleasing. But they're real and will tell you how it is. And I so appreciate that about them. I'm thankful for these people God has put into my life.

I know that not everyone is meant to stay in my life forever. This past school year is proof of that. But I also know that these people are meant to stay in this new season of my life. Again, I'm thankful for that... and for them :)

There's a meteor shower literally happening right now.

I'm bummed I'm missing it. Seriously so bummed about it. The sky, the stars, those are all constant reminders of how creative and beautiful my God is. Even though I'm not witnessing it, like I did last year, I was still so happy to look up at the sky tonight and see the amazing still stars. Someday soon I will watch a meteor shower again. Someday soon.

Tears may last for a night

But joy comes in the morning...

In the past couple of years

I've changed so much. I'm almost the complete opposite as I was then. And that really just makes me smile. I used to hate looking back. But now I appreciate it so much more because of the difference God's made in my life since then. The difficulties I faced back then were heartbreaking. But I can see that now it needed to happen. I'm reminded of that constantly. God got me through those hard times. And even though the struggles I'm currently facing or will be facing in the future aren't alike to those in the past, I have those past experiences to remind me that God will bring me through these difficulties again. That's really comforting for me, too...

It's just awesome know that God hasn't and won't ever give up on me. The past few years of my life is proof for that statement. I look back to years ago. I was not spiritually, mentally, physically where I needed to be. But He brought me back to the places I needed to be. He brought me back to His plan. He brought me back... His pursuit is admirable. And I'm just beyond thankful for it. Although mistakes were made on the way and doubt filled my mind, He didn't give up. He loved me enough to get me to where I am today. And He loves me to take me to places I never dreamed of... here's to the future. :)

The Right Thing at the Almost Right Time?

I've talked before about how important it is for the right thing at the right time is. I feel as though I've finally found a right thing, but I'm not sure it's the right time. I believe it is, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it, and that's why I'm not definitely sure about it being the right time. Maybe it's just a process, and the time frame is longer than I think it is or should be. Part of me doesn't think I can handle all of it right now. Maybe I can; maybe I can't... only God knows that. It could be that it actually is the right time, and I just don't see it at the moment. I do, however, know one thing and it's this: if this is the right thing at the right time, it'll work out as it's been working out now... that's a reminder that I've received from God today. Timing is everything. So far, I like how the timing has been working out, and I know it's only because God had something to do with it. We'll see what happens!

God teaches me something new everyday.

I am thankful

Literally, seconds ago, a co-worker of mine just texted me that another co-worker of ours got fired... I am completely and utterly shocked. She was a wonderful person, and I thought she was doing just fine as an employee there. But what do I know, righht? It was just really sad to hear that, because a job in today's world is vital. And well... I'm just thankful for the job I have right now. I could very well lose my job for literally any reason (the news I heard today proves that). But I haven't. For that, I'm beyond thankful. Instead of complaining about my job and other things, I need to be thankful for these things. I don't deserve any of it.

Today at work, I was reminded that even when I do make those mistakes, I get another chance. And that really just makes me smile. For that also, I am thankful. You have no idea. I've been blessed today and every other day, at work, at home, at school... everywhere. I'm just so blessed beyond belief.

I am so thankful. I am thankful to my God. I'm just oh, so thankful... I can't express that enough. He's given me more than I possibly deserve. He's good. So good.

As for my friend at work, I never got to say goodbye today. That makes me sad. I'll miss her. But I'll be praying God does His will in her life, whatever that may be...

You know you've had a good night when you see three shooting stars in the beautiful night sky.

Talk about constant reminders tonight.
Absolutely breath-taking, amazing, and perfect.