365 days

A lot can happen in 365 days. And usually when I look back 365 days, I usually remember a lost girl. I just become ashamed of who I used to be. I made some mistakes I never thought I would make. Just thinking about the girl I used to be brought me to tears in seconds. Thankfully though, God brought me out of where I was to where I am today. And now looking back those many days, I just see a different girl. I simply smile because instead of seing a lost girl, I see a constantly growing woman in Christ. I just see a less refined one back then. But today, I'm more refined. And tomorrow I'll be a little more. It's really nice being able to do that, now. I love being able to see the difference in me because of Him. God has never given up on me, and looking back on my year and my 20+ years of existence, I see that clearly. In 365 days, I can't wait to see where He's brought me to.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." - C.S. Lewis

Tonight I was reminded of a time I had to forgive one of my now really good friends. It was not that long ago, but as I revisited that memory of mine, I thought to myself "Why did I ever forgive him?? He totally didn't deserve it." I became a little angry again. I chose to be selfish right then. But then my thought process steered in a more godly direction and I remembered that the Savior of this world, and of my life forgave me. Forgiving someone gets more personal and meaningful when you've experienced it for yourself, and I have experienced that forgiveness, over and over again. I definitely don't deserve that forgiveness He gives me everyday, but He consistently and gracefully pours it out for me. God forgives the inexcusable in me. And I think that's awesome. Beyond awesome, actually. That's true love...

And that's the love that I want to show the world everyday. My love will never be perfect, no. But I want to love people in a godly way, showing lovingkindness, mercy, grace and undeniable forgiveness.  I wanna be more like the God I serve, because um, well He kinda rocks... and He's an example worth following :)

Today is just not my day.

Have you ever found yourself saying that? I know I have. And every time I say or think it, I'm reminded that no day is ever my day. Some days are better than others, but essentially, it's not mine. Today is God's day. Psalm 118:24 says "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." That's it. It was never my day to begin with. It has always been and always be His day. For myself, I think God is constantly reminding me of this. I have a tendency to forget that He is in control of every circumstance in my life. Especially on the bad days, when every bad thing that's even possible happens, when tears and pain is all that is ever felt, I know God is working it together for my good. Not only is this day His, but also... (I've said it before and I'll say it again) this life is His. 

Tomorrow is on its Way.

I'm thankful that today happened. I'm also thankful that yesterday happened. And also the day before that... because if they didn't happen, tomorrow wouldn't ever be on its way. You see, I made it to today only because I got through yesterday, and therefore I know I can make it to tomorrow, too. It's all about your attitude and how you see it. No matter what kind of day I've had, I'm totally grateful for it. I'm content in it. 

Be thankful for your past. Learn from it. 

Live in the moment. Appreciate it. 

Hope for tomorrow. Look forward to it. 

It's not about what I want.

It's about what God desires. It's about what He knows is best. It's about what He wants. Over and over, I'm reminded of how I can never find fulfillment in what I want for my life. It's all about His Will. Not mine. Just because this is my life, that doesn't mean I should call the shots. Because in reality, my life is His.  

There's no such thing as a "bad day" when God has anything to do with it.

Everyday is a day the LORD has made, so I will rejoice and be glad in it!

People

Since I've started working this summer again, I've come to realize how insanely rude, disgusting, and prideful people can be. It makes my heart sad thinking about it, too. We're all sinful and prideful beings. But then, more recently, I've been reminded of how beautiful people are, or can be, too. Every one of us is created in God's image. We have a beauty within us because of that! God wants to be in a relationship with every single one of us and I think that proves that even the worst person on the planet is worth it, right??

Today at work, that sweet truth became more real to me. Without going into huge detail, conversations took place and I realized how beautiful each person who walks through that warehouse is beautiful, even if they're irritating or frustrating. They are HIS and they are wonderfully made. Over and over again, I try to love people as I know I am called to. It's hard, sometimes though. BUT as soon as this moment of realization came over me, my perspective of how I saw these people who I encounter almost everyday changed. And it was good. :) They were beautiful, all of them...

God's Will Always Works Out.

No matter what. Sometimes, even with the most littlest things, it frustrates or irritates me that I don't get my way. But today, I'm reminded that His way is better. And His Will always works out. Also, another thing I realized is that my way is just. plain. pathetic. in comparison to God's way. It kinda makes me laugh and smile, actually. God has something amazing in store for us if we just submit to His Will. He has our best interests in mind.

Better Than I Was Yesterday

Up through high school, I was the best and exceeded at whatever I did. For the most part, things came easily for me. It was nice because I didn't really have to try. But when I came to college, things changed. I wasn't the best anymore. I actually had to work hard and try to get an A, whereas in high school, an A was a piece of cake. But this wasn't just things in school. It was almost everything in my life. Things took longer than they did before. Things were harder for me. It was much different than they were in high school. Sometimes I got the feeling that there's something wrong with me because things came so easily before. Sometimes I just didn't feel as good as I used to. But in the past week, I'm realizing more and more that God is just teaching me something, yet again. He's teaching me about the importance of the journey I am taking that will eventually lead me to a destination. You see, in high school, it was all about the product, never the process. I was usually only satisfied when I saw the end result. But God is showing me that it's about the journey. Not the end result, necessarily.

Even in this moment, I'm being reminded that when it comes to God, He's the Beginning and End, but in reality, there's no end. He's forever. Therefore, that means, there's always room for growth. There's always room for improvement. I can never be the best. But I can always be better than I was yesterday, in everything I do. It's about the becoming. The potential of who I can be is always bigger than who I already am today. So, I must keep working hard. I must remember, too, that God will reward me for it. He will bless me. Hard work reaps a profit.

He Shines

The Sun shines for you
A light in a dark place,
Gives and sustains life,
Everyday, warmth on your face.

The Sun shines for you
Looking for nothing in return.
That gift of light is already yours;
It's nothing you can ever earn.

Likewise...

The Son daily shows His mercy 
Exemplifying true love years ago
On a cross, eternal life was given
Oh, because He loves us so.

The Son shines all around us
Expecting nothing in return
He just pours out His goodness
And still, it's nothing we can earn.

The Son shines all around us
A light in a broken place
Who shines brighter and purer
Everyday, He gives undeserved grace.

It got me thinking...

I joke with one of my co-workers about how he's extra cheesy and fake with the members we encounter everyday. He isn't rude with them (which is awesome!), but he is most definitely over the top with how he greets them. I call him out on that stuff whenever I see him do that. One day he asked me, "Why do you always call me out on that?" And I replied, "Well, do I have good reason to?" He said back, "Yes... but that's what our manager wants us to do." That's true; our manager wants us to be extra friendly with our members. But I just put myself in the members' shoes. I know I wouldn't have wanted him to be fake with me, even if his manager asked him to... 

And alsooo... with this same co-worker, there are times where members talk to him about insignificant stuff that they feel the need to share with him, and I see his response to their stories. I just can't help but ask him, "You don't even care, do you?" He says, "Nope, not really." His answer didn't shock me, and in his defense, "to care" isn't part of our job description. But these moments I've shared really got me thinking...

What's more important? To be fake, but nice OR to be real, even if that means not being the nicest person on the planet. To me, I'd rather be real and genuine. Yeah, I'll be extra friendly with them, as I'm asked to do that. But I strive to be real. I don't wanna be seen as I view the co-worker I've been talking about. When they see me smile at them, I want them to know it's real. I want them, ultimately to see Jesus in me. You know? Jesus is my example, and in a sense, He's like my real boss. He's real with me, even if it hurts. But it's in a loving way. I wanna be like that. 

These moments also made me reevaluate how I view the people I interact with, whether they are members or co-workers. Do these people feel like I come off as I don't care about them like I saw in my fellow co-worker? I really hope not. As much as I may get irritated with people, I still love 'em. They still are God's people, and now that I think about it, it's almost an honor to have an opportunity to invest myself in their lives. Love your neighbor as yourself. I just think about how I would want them to do the same for me. Everyday, God takes interest in my life, even in the most insignificant and small things. So why can't I take an interest in these peoples' lives? Even if it is for 2 seconds. Even if it doesn't even matter. Those few seconds can make a difference. Who knows? But I have to be genuine about it.

Ahh, now I feel like I'm just rambling on and on. And I kinda am. But these are just a few of my thoughts I've been having on being genuine and loving to people. It's so awesome, because now that I look back on my month and a half at Costco, I'm realizing more and more that God is teaching me a lot about PEOPLE. It's pretty cool stuff. He's teaching me to love them more in a way that I know He loves me. Unconditionally. 

God and Time

Time is all around us. We're governed by it. Hours, minutes, seconds. Everyone on this earth is affected by it. Tick, tock, tick, tock... Time never slows down. It never speeds up. Without getting into the physics of time (as I'm just trying to prove a relatively simple point), it's basically constant. Yes, God has power to stop time or do what He wills with it, but ultimately, each second lasts as long as the one before it. Whether I'm expectantly waiting for a moment to come or dreading for a moment to pass, the seconds in between are the same. Time surrounds me for the good days, the bad days, and everything in between. God holds me safe in His arms on those days too. God is constant. For each one of those seconds, a constant God is in control. Good moments, bad moments, any moment... they belong to time.  Hours, minutes, seconds. But time belongs to my God. He governs time. We're all affected by Him. He is all around us. He is with me. That's what keeps me going. 

I'm Almost Home.

One thing I am reminded almost everyday is that this world is not my home. I don't belong here... because my citizenship is in Heaven. What a comfort that is. If this world was all there was, I honestly don't even know where I would be right now... It's hard going through life never fitting in. Throughout my 20 years of life experience, I've never completely felt like I've fit in anywhere unless Jesus had something to do with it. I feel comfortable with my family and church family, for instance. But never quite with worldly groups. It makes sense, though. Because I belong to Him. I've belonged to Him since before this world was created. He's my Father. And He put me here on this earth, for 20+ years. But I soon will be with Him in eternity. When He says it's time; when I've done what He's called me to do here... that's when I'll be home.

That's what keeps me going. The fact that I'm on my way home right now. God is guiding me there, every step of the way. Life is just the road to the destination. There are some road bumps along the way, but if I just look around and ahead I see Him there. Home is just around the corner.

More to Come.

There are hundreds of things I could write about. Literally. There are at least ten distinct things going in my head that either I know God is teaching me, I am learning about myself or just interesting realizations about life or people, in general. And I just wanna write all about it! Ahhh... I wish I could organize my thoughts and write about every single thought I have right now, but there's just too much! But in the next week or so, I plan to write a little bit more... so stay tuned; there's more to come.

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

Looking back a year or two ago, I was the absolute worst at knowing who was meant to stay in my life and whom I was meant to let go of. People come and go. That's a life lesson that I've been relearning for years now, but like I just said I haven't been the best at knowing which ones are meant to come and which are meant to go. Sometimes I tried to manipulate things in ways so I could have what I wanted, and not necessarily what God desired for me. So I did things my way (which obviously never lasts or works for very long). But He always brought it back to where it needed to be. He brought people in my life to exactly where they were supposed to be in relation to me. Whether that meant acquaintances, friends, best friends, etc. He made that happen. But I think for the first time in my life, I think I'm getting the hang of it. I'm beginning to discern who I should surround myself with and in what way, too. I look back at several people that I've come to know.... some I've met in the past year, and some I met when I was in the nursery. And I'm learning, especially in the past month or so, how to determine who of those that are meant to stay and who are merely a lesson, in a sense. That lesson could be be a big one or a tiny one; nonetheless these people I often encounter even everyday I see are meant to be lessons and reminders... not people I was ever supposed to involve myself. Other people I've known my entire life, but at this point in my life, it's time to let them go.

Now, I still know God is teaching me things regarding people. And I know I will have trials later on in my life trying to know who is supposed to stay and who's supposed to go. But I have faith in myself that if I continue to seek God, He will make it clear, as He has been for the past couple of months. It's been a journey, to say the least...

A Little Photograph

As I was attempting to clean my room today, I stumbled upon a photograph of my camper and myself. It was the first day of camp, literally seconds after the two of us met for the very first time. That picture, it brought a smile to my face. Royal Family Kids camp (a camp for abused and neglected kids) is a little less than a month away, and I so excited for it! As I starred at that picture, memories of my week with my camper filled my head. But in addition to that, anticipations also flooded my mind. This next camp will be my second year with Briauna, and I'm so excited to see how much she's grown and changed since the last time I saw her. I'm looking forward to the memories that will be created during that second week of July.

I instantly loved this little girl the moment I saw her. That was the moment that picture was taken. She was beautiful and loved by a great God. She is made in His image. My love for her grew throughout the week, too. Even in the moments when she was misbehaving, I loved her. She was my little girl that week. I was given the blessed opportunity to love on her and show her an unconditional love she may not receive in her everyday life. And now, a year later, I realize even more of what a privilege that was to love on her. And that's why that photo instantly brought a smile to my face this morning. Briauna blessed my heart, and in the time between last year's camp and this upcoming one, I've been praying for her. I've been praying that God would bless her, as He's blessed me abundantly...

I can't wait for camp this year. I believe God has amazing things in store for this little girl.

Each and every day, He makes it special in some way.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been reminded of this. God is teaching me something new and different every day. He is reminding me of who I am, but more importantly, of who He is. Those are those constant reminders. Sometimes, the reminders are subtle. Sometimes they are huge. Most of the time, He reminds me through His creation. The sunset, for example. But He also reminds me through the smallest moments in my day. To everyone else, they probably appear as insignificant moments. But to me, the have so much significance. Today was one of those days where I don't even know if I'd classify it as a good or bad one. It was just a day. It was HIS day, though. And there were several moments in both my good moments and my bad moments, where I saw that God had something to do with it. It didn't impact my day in a huge way, but it did remind me that He is the God of my life and everything does happen for a reason, even the small things. He cares enough about me that He would even reign over the small moments in my life. That was what He taught and reminded me of today. He made it special in that way. He's all about uniqueness. Now, I'm excited for what God plans to do with tomorrow...

Break-room Chat

Yesterday at work, I was in the break room on my lunch break and I sat next to one of my co-workers. She looked like she was in a bad mood, which was surprising because she usually always had a smile on her face when I saw her. I asked her how her day had been going. She said, "S***tty." I almost didn't know how to respond and I simply said "I'm sorry..." and almost left the conversation there because I don't really do well around people in bad moods. But within 2 seconds, I was prompted to ask why. So I did. She went on telling me that it was family stuff. Soon, she explained to me that on her way to work, she had received a phone call that her sister had cancer and that she just couldn't focus at all. It made perfect sense as to why she was acting the way she was.

That short conversation made an impact on me. It reminded me that people have those bad days just like me... but instead of reacting poorly to someone's bad mood, instead I should try to be a friend and actually care. One of my pet peeves is when someone asks a person how they're doing, but doesn't really want a response in return. Sometimes I'm a culprit of this, but I'm beginning to realize again that as a believer, it requires not just asking, but caring, also.

It means deep conversation, not surface ones. It means being real.

How ya doing?

Today I asked a member, "How are you doing?" He replied, with a smile, "A lot better than I deserve." Isn't that so true, though?? Truly, we are blessed with more than we deserve. His answer caused me to stop and think of how blessed I am and in reality, I don't deserve it one bit. I have been given so much, yet I deserve none of it. Beyond blessed. Solely by Grace.

The way God works everything out...

and the way He makes other things fall apart completely amazes me. Only a God like the one I serve could do that. He really knows what He's doing. And I really just can't help but smile tonight at what's He has done and is currently doing in my life at the moment. Big or small things... He works it all out according to His perfect Will 100% of the time. HE. IS. GOOD.

They're HIS people, too.

You know those people who get on your last nerve? For myself, sometimes these are the people I encounter everyday at my job. But one thing I have reminded in the last couple of days is that these people are God's too. Just like me. My job has given me a different perspective on how I view them. I become a little more graceful and forgiving. And loving. I see them differently. I see them exactly how I know God looks at me. He loves and looks on me with grace and mercy...

So I will also love them.

Sometimes I forget that this world is not my home.

My citizenship is in eternity. 

“Good is often an enemy of the Best”

One thing stuck out to me in this morning’s sermon for me. It was that quote. It especially means a lot to me in this season of my life because there are moments when I want to settle, but I know better than that because I know God has something better… He has and is saving the very best for His little girl. I was reminded of that this morning and it has stuck with me through the day. Now all I ask is that it sticks this week… there have been many opportunities to settle for something good in the past week and I know there will be more this week, too. But God saved me last week and I have faith that He will continue to do so. But I need to submit to His Will. I need to listen to Him for discernment and guidance, too.

Good is good. But the best is better. Good might as well be from Satan, seeing that the BEST can only come from God. I want the best for my life, and so does God. I can hear Him in every decision saying “Shauna, don’t settle for that. Yes, it’s good. But it’s not good compared to what I have for you. I have something better… I have your best interests in mind. So, just wait…”

Me Without You

If you haven't listened to the song called "Me Without You" by TobyMac, you should. The main idea of this song is talking about myself without God. That's a scary thought. Where would I be without God? I'd be very lost, that is for sure... I'd be trying to get through this life of mine all by myself. I'd be completely and utterly stuck. There's a lyric in the song that says I'd be "building my kingdom just to watch it fade away." That's so true for my life, too. Knowing exactly the kind of person I was before I truly let God rule over my life, I know I would be striving to live life according to me, myself and I. And that would soon lead me to a destination to well... failure. All I know is that I'm glad God has me in His hands. I don't know where I'd be without him. But I do know where I am with Him because He's with me all the time, and I'm safe wherever I go :) 

Imma Cloud :)

Clouds. If you haven’t noticed already, I have a newfound, strange obsession with clouds. Haha.. Not sure why this is, but it’s there. And today I was on my way to work, I was looking up at the clouds and had this random thought: I’m a cloud… sort of. Haha. Here’s why though… Clouds block the sun, yet they also let the Sun’s light shine through, too.  Likewise, I am separated from God because of my sin. However, because of His massive love for me, that barrier is broken, and because of that, it’s more than possible to let HIS light shine through in me.

Sometimes clouds are gloomier than normal. Right now, I’m starting at some very grey and sad clouds. Those are my bad days. There are also the white, beautiful ones, too. Those are like the good days. Nonetheless, the clouds still light shine through. Likewise again, for myself, I have both good and bad days. There are days when all I want to do is cry, but I also have days where all I can do is jump for joy. Either way, I think I can be a light unto this dark world. I pray God’s light shines through either way, every day.

Every morning, the sun rises. Even if we can’t see it, it’s there. It has the same job everyday. To shine and give this world the light it needs to sustain life. Grey clouds. White clouds. No clouds. It shines. No. Matter. What. It’s the same with God. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His goodness is everyday. He shines and is in my life on my bad days, on my good days… every single day. It’s my job, however, to let His light shine through on every one of those days… 

The Little Things

For some, it takes the big miracles to make them believe. But for me, it's also the little things that make me believe and be reminded of God's amazing goodness. Tonight was one of those reminders. Without going into huge detail, it was a reminder that God does truly take interest in my life.Yes, even in the little things. The little things that you wouldn't think mattered. But in reality, they matter a lot. This little thing that happened to me tonight... it made my night. It saved my night.

Nothing is too big nor too small for God. He's invested in it all! :)